Dear RAFT: I’m Being Micromanaged (response from an advocate’s pov)

Dear RAFT,  

I’m in a tough situation with a toxic micromanaging director. I’ve been with my organization for about 2 years, and everything has been fine until my supervisor quit recently after butting heads with the new director. I’ve taken on more responsibility, and even though I’ve always proven I can handle things, and I’ve shown that I can meet deadlines and manage events, my director is now watching me like a hawk. I wouldn’t mind so much if they had a meeting with me and clearly laid out their expectations, but instead they are just watching my every move and interjecting during tasks. I’ve tried to express that I can handle this role and if they want to have a conversation we can. Last week everything came to head when I was in the middle of setting up for an event, that has already been approved, and they asked me to completely change everything in that moment. I stood my ground and refused because there wasn’t enough time, and I was almost done preparing. Afterwards the director gave me a huge lecture about doing what I’m told, that they know what is right and my behavior was extremely disrespectful. Every day has been a battle since then. I love this job, and I’ve built so many relationships here that I don’t want to abandon. But I feel like I’m being pushed to a breaking point. Do you have any advice for how to move forward so that I don’t have to quit my job? 

Sincerely, 
Tired of fighting

Dear Tired of Fighting, 

Thank you for reaching out to RAFT and sharing your situation. First off, I want to acknowledge how incredibly difficult this situation must be for you. As advocates, we often give so much of ourselves to our work, and when the environment becomes toxic, it can drain us in ways we never imagined. It’s even harder when you’ve invested time, built strong relationships, and genuinely love the work you’re doing. 
 
It sounds like your new director’s micromanaging could be coming from a place of insecurity or wanting to assert control, which unfortunately leaves you feeling undermined and disrespected. You’ve already done the right thing by standing your ground and expressing your ability to handle your responsibilities, but I understand how exhausting it can be to have that ignored. 

I myself have been in a situation where I felt like my manager was working against me rather than with me. It was completely emotionally draining to spend my days in constant conflict.  In my situation, much like yours, I spent time (under a different supervisor) excelling at my job. Then when new management came in there was an instant shift in our working environment.  

Here are a few suggestions that may help you move forward without having to walk away from something you’ve worked hard to build: 

1. Document Everything: 

• Start keeping a detailed log of interactions with your director. Note the date, time, and specifics of conversations, tasks assigned, and any instances of micromanagement or conflict.  

• Include email communications, meeting notes, or any directives given that highlight the challenges you’re facing. When I say document everything.. I mean EVERYTHING. This documentation will be crucial if you need to escalate the issue. 

2. Request a Meeting with Clear Objectives: 

• Request a formal meeting with your director to discuss roles, expectations, and boundaries. In your request, express that you’d like to clarify how to best meet their expectations and support the team’s goals. 

• Be prepared to share examples of how you’ve successfully handled responsibilities in the past to reinforce your capability. 

3. Involve a Mediator: 

• If previous attempts to communicate haven’t been productive, request that a neutral third party, such as a senior leader or Human Resource representative, attend the meeting. 

• A mediator can help ensure the conversation remains constructive and focused on solutions rather than conflict, and also serves as a witness if needed. 

4. Propose Solutions: 

• Suggest practical ways to improve collaboration, such as regular check-ins where expectations are discussed and feedback is provided, rather than real-time micromanagement. 

• Emphasize that this structure would benefit both the organization and your ability to perform effectively. 

5. Evaluate Your Support System: 

• Lean on trusted colleagues, mentors, or peers for guidance and emotional support. Navigating a toxic environment can be exhausting, so it’s important to have people in your corner. 

6. Consider Long-Term Goals: 

• While it’s clear you care deeply about your role, relationships, and the work you’ve built, it’s also essential to prioritize your well-being. If the situation doesn’t improve, it may be worth exploring other opportunities where your talents and dedication are appreciated. 

Ultimately, in my situation, ineffective leadership turned a job I once loved into a very toxic working environment. I hope that you STAY DETERMINED and exhaust all options before making that decision. Standing up for yourself isn’t disrespectful—it's a testament to your strength.  

My #1 piece of advice is know your worth. You deserve to work in a place where you’re trusted and valued. Whatever happens, keep advocating for yourself just as fiercely as you do for others.